Note 1: 2011 was totally sequelholic. Not cool. Seriously, Hollywood, there are tons of fresh ideas out there. Use some of them.
Note 2: Despite that, there were some really good flicks last year.
Note 3: Despite that, some unbelievably poopy movies came out too.
The Way Back
Implausible: A movie conveys just how awful Gulags actually were.
Plausible: Colin Farrell is nuts.
Limitless
Implausible: A drug that makes you think you are awesome and it isn’t cocaine.
Plausible: Bradley Cooper as an uninteresting douche.
Paul
Implausible: An alien from another galaxy whose biology enables him to enjoy pot.
Plausible: Sigourney Weaver kicking the shit out of Simon Pegg.
Sucker Punch
Implausible: The average moviegoing demographic appreciates how mind-blowingly awesome this movie is.
Plausible: Robert Rodriguez creates the first feminist rock anthem of the 21st century.
The King’s Speech
Implausible: A British monarch as good looking as Colin Firth.
Plausible: Geoffrey Rush is made of awesome.
Scream 4
Implausible: This franchise is still relevant.
Plausible: Nobody noticed that this movie came out.
Thor
Implausible: Kenneth Branagh can direct action sequences.
Plausible: Chris Hemsworth didn’t spend enough time with his shirt off.
X-Men First Class
Implausible: Michael Fassbender was actually in such a stupid movie.
Plausible: This movie was as awkward as watching Ewan McGregor impersonate Obi-Wan times 10.
Transformers – Dark of the Moon
Implausible: A Transformers movie was made that I didn’t want to see.
Plausible: Michael Bay might have ruined my childhood even more than George Lucas.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Implausible: A movie with bigger fan service has been made.
Plausible: This was an unnecessary sequel to what should have been just one film for book seven.
Cowboys and Aliens
Implausible: Cowboys would have actually beat Aliens.
Plausible: This movie is so awesome you just don’t care about the implausibility of it all.
Real Steel
Implausible: This movie could have had any sort of plot at all.
Plausible: Everyone saw the trailer and so didn’t need to see the movie.
Footloose
Implausible: That there was any reason to remake the original.
Plausible: That the studio was looking for a quick cash in on nostalgia.
Twilight – Breaking Dawn Part 1
Implausible: That somebody decided this movie should have ended with a dude noming on his dead wife after she gave birth.
Plausible: There are a lot of dumb chicks out there with disposable income.
Mission Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Implausible: That moviegoers have forgiven Tom Cruise for being bonkers.
Plausible: That awesome stunts and special effects can make moviegoers forgive Tom Cruise for being bonkers.