Two weeks ago Loki got a big sister. He seemed so lonely while we were off conquering Vega-5 and enslaving its native sentients as makers of rocking leather boots, so we carefully evaluated the prime specimen for the job and found this lovely freckled redhead:

We named her Ripley for her no-nonsense attitude and the fact that Loki does nothing but chase her like a facehugger. (He also seems to think she is a trampoline, which is as fallacious as it is problematic.) I’m hoping it’s just a rough adjustment phase, but Loki needs to get over his insane jealousy pronto and make with the friendship so that I can take many adorable photos of the two of them plotting to overthrow me together and divide the universe amongst themselves.

She is in every way the exact opposite of Loki. She is graceful and acrobatic, able to land on the finest of ledges and the most precarious of bookcases. Also unlike Loki, who can do a flying leap into a sliding glass door, rebound halfway across the room and trot off unharmed, she seems to have gotten into medical trouble first by swallowing something that scratched up her esophagus and landed her the grand prize of an emergency trip to the vet this morning. She wouldn’t eat or drink yesterday, probably because it hurt to swallow, but I wouldn’t have known that because she didn’t have the decency to get up from her comatose state and let me know what was wrong.

This morning she was given stomach acid neutralizing medicine and an IV of hydrating fluid-goo that made her back puff up like a camel’s hump and caused her to leak for a few hours if she moved around too quickly. Grody.

But I haven’t gotten to the best part. She can’t eat normal cat food because the chunks might cause problems with her sore throat and whatever horrible thing Loki convinced her to swallow in an effort to bump her off and reclaim the apartment as his own. Until she’s well, she needs pureed baby food. But she also needs incentive to eat, as eating isn’t something she’s enthusiastic to do. The doctor said I would probably have to warm it up and feed her by hand. If I was very lucky, she’d eat on her own once I get her started.

And, dear reader, I did it. That’s right. No fewer than five times today yours truly, evil robot and conqueror of worlds, was down on her knees serving a sick cat baby food with her fingers. Dude.

I’d like to submit to the Evil Robots Union that this behavior should not get me banned from our upcoming Evil Robot Swim Party and Barbecue. I count Ripley as a valuable minion to my cause, and feigning kindness to poor helpless kittehs is an excellent tool of deception to fool my meatbag neighbors into thinking I’m one of them. Really. That’s why I’m doing it. It’s not because she’s absolutely adorable and I want her to feel better. Like, right now.

• I'm enjoying the sounds of @amandapalmer playing the popular tunes of Radiohead on her magical ukulele, which I chose to pay $10 for. #
• These dudes are going to make GOBS of money doing movie special effects: http://bit.ly/aze3hQ #
• I just accidentally revealed spoilers for Terminator: Salvation to the BF. Movie's been out 1 year plus. Should I feel bad? #
• TAKE IT AWAY from Reggie Bush, the dirty betrayer of all Trojans: http://bit.ly/aEebvO #usc #fml #
• I guess the dark side needed some scratch: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/darth_vader_say_it_isnt_so.php #
• Wo, wo be unto bigots who invade the lair of geek warriors who have weathered many a flame war and trolled many a n00b: http://bit.ly/dluFCG #

Last week my XM radio preview expired. I feel that I got my money’s worth from the free trial, and I won’t be subscribing. Why?

The content blows

XM radio might be more properly called B-side radio; big hits are few and far between. Turns out that although commercials are annoying on FM radio, they sure do pay for better music. FM radio is brutally competitive; you’ve really got to be good just to do traffic, let alone host a show. Digital, commercial-free radio means content glut. Too many stations, too much time. That means blander content and lousier DJs because it’s too expensive to fill gobs of stations 24 hours a day with the good stuff.

Generic radio isn’t as fun as local radio

XM radio is international and time-zone free, making it generic. The hosts don’t have local affiliations or anything to say about where they are; they are everywhere and nowhere. I like listening to stations in LA making fun of Anaheim and San Francisco. I like hearing DJs echo my gripes about horrible traffic, and I like hearing what concerts and events are taking place around me. XM radio offers none of that, unless I want to pay more to get satellite versions of stations I already get for free on FM.

Th sign l dr ps cons ant y

I like listening to songs without ten second pauses of fuzz, which makes it hard to like XM radio. Because if you drive under, like, a tree branch, XM Radio is all “OMG SIGNAL INTERRUPTION CAN’T FUNCTION FML.” FM waves are pretty good at following you under overpasses, telephone wires, and even into plenty of tunnels. The delicate thread that connects your vehicle to a hunk of metal floating in space is too easily cut, making it hard to enjoy the mediocre content.

I can’t tell the difference

XM radio sounds a lot better than AM radio, but it doesn’t sound any different than a strong FM signal to me, and I have a good stereo in my car. (Thieves note: I also have OnStar.) Add in the constant signal droppage and FM wins out on signal quality.

So, as my XM test drive goes bye-bye, I’m extra happy for the USB port on my dash that lets me connect my iPod to my stereo. Now that’s commercial-free content that’s guaranteed to deliver.

I didn’t see Clash of the Titans because the trailers used generic metal-ish music and deliberately edited the movie to make it look like 300 Volume Two. Barf. Plus, I saw Zeus was wearing Iron Man’s suit with the paint buffed off and was all, WTF. However, on my last flight it was the least onerous among the selection of chick flicks and kiddie fare on the entertainment system, so I went for it. I couldn’t finish it because the flight attendants don’t let you wear noise canceling headphones during ascent and descent. (How else am I supposed to avoid hearing those awful safety presentations? JEEZ.) However, I came away with several conclusions:

• This is a shitty remake of a shitty remake of a good story. I don’t think the makers of 2010′s Clash of the Titans even bothered to read the original Greek myth. They just skimmed the script for the 1981 flick and added more strangeness, diluted character motivation, and took unoriginal cheap shots at religion.
• The CG was less impressive than the old-school claymation.
• Pete Postlethwaite was the only dude in the flick who brought it. Everybody else was phoning in their performances, which is understandable as the movie was entirely made up of bit parts.
• I don’t understand why people cast Sam Worthington for parts that aren’t “Henchman #2.” He must have slept with the entire Church of Scientology to be able to keep landing parts in big movies despite having no acting talent whatsoever.
• That metal owl did not need to be seen on screen again, ever.
• I didn’t care about anybody. Nope, nobody. I can’t remember any of the characters’ names except for the ones I know from studying mythology. The two dudes thown in for comic relief provided neither comedy nor relief. I wasn’t sad when anybody died and I wasn’t happy when Andromeda got saved. This was a bland, dull, dazzlingly multinational cast that proved that no matter where you come from and whatever your ethnic background, anybody can be crap at acting. Now isn’t that sweet?

In short, this was not a movie I wanted to see and I hate that I was right when I did see it. There are a few ways this movie could have been something I did want to see:

• Go back to the original story. Don’t remake the ’81 flick — call it Perseus and tell his story. Also, cast somebody as Perseus who doesn’t think that acting means “saying the words written on the script without stuttering.”
• And if you really go back to the original story, you’ll note that Andromeda is the princess of ETHIOPIA. This means she should have been black. Literally every cinematic and artistic interpretation of this story has portrayed Cephus, Cassiopeia, and Andromeda as Greek and super white, and all visual representations of Andromeda seem to be manifesting some kind of bizarre fantasy about raping white girls:
  

  white chick.	white chick.	white chick.	white chick.

  So much for Hollywood being post-racial and post-gender. It would have been cool to see this set in ancient Abyssinia, with like, you know, black people. Get some Egyptian-looking duds on the multi-ethnic cast and then you’ll have a truly international epic, not just a pantheon of generic European accents.

• They should have used a scriptwriter who understands that the audience needs a reason to care about the characters, not a rookie and the idiots who unleashed Aeon Flux on us like a case of bad diarrhea. Clash of the Titans put some people on the screen and said, “This is Protagonist Man. You should care about him because he almost died as a baby, and babies are cute so you should care.” It doesn’t work that way. Even good actors like Liam Neeson can’t polish a turd, and this script was a stinky lump of number two.

I doubt the movie I’m imagining will happen because they’re letting these idiots make a second one. Sigh. I keep waiting for the day when Hollywood at large will learn, as those northern rebels at Pixar did, that commercial viability and artistic value are not mutually exclusive concepts. Until then, I’ll be over here translating this post into Latin, as it’s a lot more entertaining than most of what hits theaters . . .

• Almost halfway through War For Cybertron. Still rocking. I may be able to forgive Activision for sexism in Guitar Hero because of this. #
• Gee this is cheerful. Apparently we're all gonna die: http://bit.ly/9E96wO #
• What's worse: that they are treating Arthur as a historical figure or that they used a pic of Clive Owen to illustrate? http://bit.ly/cMoNXI #
• Critique of the irony of @Schwarzenegger saying there should be restrictions on access to violent video games http://bit.ly/bzda9U #
• @TheGlen No Glen No! Run before it eats your brains! in reply to TheGlen #
• I would set foot in a McDonald's just to see this: http://failblog.org/2010/07/14/epic-fail-photos-kids-meal-toy-fail/ #
• Trying to think up names for kitteh number 2. #
• New kitteh is sleepeh http://grab.by/5qcb #
• HOLY SHIT the chicken *did* come before the egg! http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/07/14/tech/main6676542.shtml #
• @deezthugs I want "Ragnarok, Destroyer of the Galaxy" with "Roxy" for short, but it doesn't strike a chord with the BF. in reply to deezthugs #
• @deezthugs In his defense, he liked "Ragnarok, Destroyer of the Galaxy" but not Roxy. in reply to deezthugs #
• RYAN REYNOLDS is the Green Lantern?!?!?!?! #fml #
• "Ask about our Mel Gibson Stomper Special" #epic http://failblog.org/2010/07/15/epic-fail-photos-ad-win/ #
• What would make Twilight better: http://graphjam.com/2010/07/16/funny-graphs-make-twilight-better/ #
• Adjustable eyeglasses have awesome implications for the poor and people in third world countries: http://bit.ly/aoWYhw #
• Going to meet dudes for prospective new metal band. Ad specified "passion for thrash" but hopefully my Sabbath/Judas Priest prefs are ok. #
• Hey @Microsoft_Xbox quit notifying me that a friend is online when I'm in the middle of a @Netflix movie #