Posts Tagged ‘review’

Game of WTF

People kept telling me I needed to check out Game of Thrones. Not people I knew really well — so perhaps that should have tipped me off. Friends who know your tastes can usually make more accurate recommendations. The first five minutes were intriguing. There were three strong characters — the cocksure commander, the veteran, […]

2011 in Film

Note 1: 2011 was totally sequelholic. Not cool. Seriously, Hollywood, there are tons of fresh ideas out there. Use some of them. Note 2: Despite that, there were some really good flicks last year. Note 3: Despite that, some unbelievably poopy movies came out too. The Way Back Implausible: A movie conveys just how awful […]

Friday the 13th stung me

Bad horror movies. Black cats. Walking under ladders. Broken mirrors. I’d always thought Friday the 13th was a load of superstitious hogwash, especially since in professional know-it-all fashion I know the true origins of this sort-of holiday. The Knights Templar began as a religious order dedicated to guarding pilgrims on the road to Jerusalem after […]

I now know the sound of my brain cells dying

A coworker recommended, in the strongest and most unequivocal of terms, that I check out Crank 2: High Voltage. He described it as an awesomely funny rip-roaring action packed adventure. That was probably six months ago, and I didn’t get around to actually seeing it until it showed up as being available for streaming on […]

The Expendables is the Greatest Movie Ever

I’d go into a more lengthy explanation, but this summarizes the movie pretty well: Hold up all of your fingers Pretend your fingers are penises Wiggle the fingers on your left hand at the fingers on your right hand and say in a very gruff voice, “FUCK YOU” Then wiggle the fingers on your right […]

Inception: Pretty. Dumb.

“Good” is a relative term, and in a year as relatively devoid of great movies as 2010 has been, I think Inception is going to be as good as it gets as far as cerebral thrillers go. It’s not terrible. The cinematography is great, the costuming, hair and makeup is flawless, and for the first […]

Clash of the Titans: You’re Doing it Wrong

I didn’t see Clash of the Titans because the trailers used generic metal-ish music and deliberately edited the movie to make it look like 300 Volume Two. Barf. Plus, I saw Zeus was wearing Iron Man’s suit with the paint buffed off and was all, WTF. However, on my last flight it was the least […]