My first playthrough I didn’t import a character. I wanted to see how the game held up as an individual unit, and it did just that. Lots of people made rageface over the somewhat puzzling ending, and I’m pleased to see that Bioware is going to attempt to make amends through DLC that will expand the ending and make it less confusing/pointless. The ending of the game was puzzlingly flat. The Crucible ends up being just some silly McGuffin, which is out of character for the Mass Effect series. Even worse, the choices I was presented with didn’t seem to make any sense and all had the same end result. For a game that has captivated its fan base with a multiverse setting based on personal choices, Shepard’s actions and choices at the very end of it all were weak. For example: if you find out that the entire galaxy is controlled by a megalomaniac computer, you should blow up the computer. You should not select one of the choices it offers you because it has got to be lying.

My second playthrough has been much more satisfying so far. Seeing all the characters I worked to hard to shepherd (ha ha — get it?) through the first two games has been fun. Bioware really went out of their way to provide fan service to those of us who have followed the series from the beginning and who worked hard to get an ideal story line set up for Mass Effect 3. The experience this time has been rich enough that I will be considerably less annoyed when I reach the end of the game and am forced to choose between dying, dying, and dying.

I have only one complaint about the story, and that is the Mysterious Case of Thane Krios.

In Mass Effect I romanced Liara. I had to romance somebody because there was an achievement involved. Liara was really the only option, as I found Kaidan to be a boring whiner and Ashley to be a catty biznatch with a chip on her shoulder. Plus it just seemed super unprofessional to date a coworker that reported to me.

In Mass Effect 2 I had every intention of staying true to Liara. I’m no skank and since I was apparently her first love I felt I owed it to her. However, two things quickly put me off this plan. Firstly, Liara isn’t the sweet yet spicy nerd girl we knew and loved. After two years working in the information mafia, she’s kind of a bitch. There’s Shepard, back from the dead, and Liara dismissively greets her and then goes on about some other guy she wants to rescue from her mortal enemy. Yeah. I missed you too, baby. The Shadow Broker DLC package added something to their relationship, but it felt too much like Liara had moved on. It definitely felt like she wasn’t as into Shepard as she was into herself. The only reason I hooked up with Liara at the end — against my inclination — was because I felt I had to. There was an achievement at stake.

However, I had also found my real motivation to ditch the blue bitch and move on: Thane Krios, the mysterious, raspy-voiced, terminally-ill assassin with brains, brawn, and an emotional depth that exceeds any other character in the Mass Effect universe thus far. His romance story line was complex and fascinating, and Keythe Farley’s voice work was ably matched by solid character design and artistic execution. I looked forward to seeing what would happen with him in Mass Effect 3. There were so many open questions. How long did he have to live? Would he be able to fight with me? Would there be any time for Shepard and Thane’s love to continue?

Thane was given a very honorable sendoff. Although he’s been dying in a hospital and is no longer battle-worthy, at an hour of great need he springs into action and holds his own against a younger, healthier assassin who’s come to topple the government. He’s fatally wounded, and Shepard goes to his side in time to watch him slip away. That scene was remarkably touching — by far the most emotion I’ve felt from a video game since hearing Cortana tell Master Chief that it was an honor to serve with him. Later Shepard receives a posthumous e-mail from Thane full of the sort of love and depth that he always radiated as a character. And then Shepard can move right along to a “real” Paramour achievement.

Wait — what? How is Thane not achievement-worthy? How is it that his death just causes him to vanish from Shepard’s emotional spectrum? At the risk of straying into writing fan fiction, here’s how Thane should have been handled.

1. Thane should have counted as a Paramour achievement if he had been romanced in ME2
   Shepard shouldn’t have been able to hook up with anyone else once she’d locked in with Thane. Allowing Shepard to hook up with Thane and then move on is just . . . wrong. You don’t use a terminally ill dude for a booty call. You just don’t, especially when that dude is madly in love with you. Once Shepard locked in by passionately kissing him and then bedding him for the last time, that should have locked out other options.
2. Shepard should have been more into Thane
   After Thane is stabbed, it would have been nice to hear some alternate audio from a Shepard that was romancing him. Something with a little more concern and fear. As it is, there’s just one reaction, and it’s perfunctory. This poor guy is bleeding out, and Shepard doesn’t betray a flicker of concern.
3. A tiny bit more development time and this romance could have been epic, not just good
   Thane’s death scene was beautiful and touching. It felt odd that after the fact Shepard only gets an e-mail from him. Of course when a company is trying to ship a game they’ve got to prioritize what they are going to bother to develop in terms of cutscenes, but it would have been much nicer for Shepard to receive this message in the form of a vid, alone in her cabin on the eve of the final battle, a single tear going down her cheek as he tells her he loves her and will see her on the other side. Mass Effect 3 addressed the trouble of moving on from a departed loved one in the character of Steve Cortez, and that was a great plot line. It would have been nice to see how Shepard dealt with a personal loss she couldn’t ignore.

There. I’m done kvetching. I have fulfilled my duty as a fangirl. Where was I? Oh yes. Plugging Cerberus operatives with headshots.

Seriously I don’t want to be all QQ but playing Solo sucks. I have an excellent set of IRL guildies who have tried to buff me, but it’s hard to complete quest line “Get a Job” when raiding dungeons in search of a boss yields a zero drop rate.

Having done some serious leveling in life, I am definitely no noob. I’m a 1337 level 45 melee-class Wordsmith barbarian capable of handling even the most aggro mob of assignments. Any members of a potential cubicle guild could totally count on me to crit any task, and since OOC I’m big on Crafting I even bring cookies to help boost health before a Monday morning raid.

I never KS on group projects. I keep my eyes peeled for griefers that will totally go PvP for the wrong reasons and always buff my fellow guildies when workplace PKers invariably respawn no matter how many times they’re sent to take a Dirt Nap.

It would be great to get a great big WB from the MMO known as Careeria. I’m going for a Corpse Run but I got ganked pretty bad recently, and I’m afraid it may be hard to make it back to retrieve any resumé-worthy loot.

For now it looks like I’m career AFK.

Cutscene: Ezio tries to turn on the charm to a hot babe, only to be told that he’s “adorable” and reminds the girl of her grandpa.
Race: Try to win a rooftop race at night without having to stop every five minutes to pee.
Side quest: Tell those darn kids to get off Ezio’s rooftop.
Handicap: If Ezio climbs for more than a certain number of seconds, his arthritis acts up and he must descend to spend the next 15 minutes complaining to the apothecary about his medical issues.
Sidequest: Ditch the horde of women chasing after you with their lawyers attempting to press paternity suits.
Unlockable Item: A utility belt that also provides good lumbar support.
Side Battle: Beat up a young whippersnapper for making fun of guys who used to have to fight without explosives.
Cutscene: Ezio walks around town smiling and waltzing with hot babes after getting a little blue flask from the apothecary.

Meanwhile, my Xbox Live account is working just fine . . . heh heh heh . . .