The principle of conservation of energy states that within a closed system, mass cannot be created or destroyed. This means that energy or matter can’t spontaneously spring into being. It has to come from somewhere. So why is there so much snot in my nose? Has all the snot in the universe been sucked into [...]

I hate you, LAX. I hate you in the face. The line at security was long. The bathrooms were dirty. Our plane was late. They changed the gate. Our plane was more late. We finally hit the air, which was the best part of the trip. I was seated between two nice non-smelly young women [...]

I’m trying not to feel like too much of a jerk right now, as none of it was intended, but still. Writing has always been problematic. What words to use? How to use them? What do they mean? Do they mean the same thing to you? Culture, language, personality, and worst of all, emotion have [...]

Of all human customs, ritual ingestion of things that are (a) harmful (b) disgusting and/or (c) toxic is the most befuddling to me. Despite the fact that ingestion of mass quantities of alcohol can lead to stupidity, pregnancy, death, public vomiting, and/or embarrassing YouTube videos, you twits still do it. But I’ve found something even [...]

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