I recently stepped away two male . . . well, they weren’t friends or acquaintances. What do you call people who waste your time and treat you with no respect, yet expect you to be receptive and cordial at their convenience? A non-friend? At any rate, I don’t feel bad blowing this type of person [...]
Hey parents! Are you tired of your little girl’s inability to be oversexualized at a young age? Has she got a frowny face on because all of her other friends have their very own Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset and they don’t have so much as a thong to wear? Well, now you can make [...]
I’m tired of all this whining about aliens. It seems like you can’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing some dumb new movie or conspiracy theory freaking out over the impending doom of Earth due to alien invasion. “Oh no!” you scream in fear. “The visitors are among us! We’re going to be invaded!” [...]
This post isn’t about who you should or should not vote for. It’s about my serious concern over the deification of Barack Obama. Look, I get that you hardcore Obama fans love your boy. That’s great. He’s a very viable candidate. But could you lay off the PDA? It’s scaring me a little. Y’all are [...]
But I hereby in protest formally relinquish any future plans, unlikely as they may have been, to ever eat Pop-Tarts again. Their ads piss me off. Borrowing so heavily from the style of Don Hertzfeldt as to constitute plagiarism, they mimic his art style so accurately as to deceptively appear to be his own. It’s [...]
1. Pull up your pants. I do not want to look at your butt crack and/or tighty whities while you do squats. 2. You’re at the gym. You are going to sweat if you do anything properly. Wash your face before you come in because watching your makeup melt in the manner of a Salvador [...]
1. Don’t waste your time using the directory to find the phone number you need. Just call me and ask me if I sell parking passes or donuts. Four times. 2. If you’re a graduate student doing research and need me to help you with information about your grant, make sure you don’t know your [...]
