All I wanted was a nice first wave feminist documentary . . .

I award yet another Awesomeness Award to epic customer Julie, who is awesome for all of the following reasons:

1. Her Etsy handle includes the word “Bacon”
2. She sent me a photo of her looking moar epic than Poseidon:
   
3. And a pic of her hugging a statue of a Viking:
   
4. Aaaaand best of all, a picture of her wearing my hat inside my dream car, a Chevrolet Camaro:
   

I have to say that I nearly wept upon the realization that something I created has now been inside a Camaro. Who says dreams don’t come true?

• Almost home from a weekend in SoCal. Here's hoping @lokikitteh didn't shred the curtains while we were away. #
• If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to check out this awesome performance of the Prop 8 trial transcripts http://t.co/iOaOBKAl #
• @sdwilsh Don't be too jealous. I think he partly got it to keep me entertained while I have this nasty head cold. in reply to sdwilsh #

My latest creation is dedicated to my friend Blair, who is the living bodhisattva of facial hair. I can never hope to artificially create something as radtacular as his natural locks, but gosh darn it, I can try.

It’s new. It’s spectacularly barbaric. You know you want one.

Hey Kids! Coming very soon to an Etsy shop near you is this little beauty. Or, should I say, not so little and not so beautiful:

So let’s get down to what *really* matters in Mass Effect 3: the dating scene. After all, the killer graphics, improved gameplay experience, and thrilling plot line are secondary. Although I’ve really enjoyed playing Skyrim, I gotta say that the whole courtship/relationship thing in that game is a little dissatisfying. All I had to do was put on a necklace that says “I’m available.” You know, kind of like those big gold mars medallions dudes used to wear in the seventies. Then people are all hey, let’s get married. You don’t kiss at the ceremony, and the only interaction you get with your spouse is to pick up your cut of the family business whenever you feel like dropping by your house in between murdering dragons. Not really satisfying for a game allegedly so scandalous that some folks got their panties in a wad over the same-sex marriage options. Trust me, Bible Thumpers, the “marriage” in Skyrim is about as interesting as having a receptionist at your office. Who does not get naked and have sex with you. Ever.

No, if you take interest in teh cyber buttsecks, especially teh interspecies homo cyber buttsecks, then Mass Effect 3 is the game to protest. Or really, really enjoy. I don’t really feel that the character I play is a personal reflection of me; it’s a character. Likewise, the NPCs in a game that I choose to like are based on how I feel about the character. But that doesn’t make it any less engaging to be involved in the decisions that shape the story. I’ve gotten to play through many times, each time with a different spin, and that keeps it fun.

In Mass Effect 1, my dating options led me inevitably to Liara. I couldn’t not date, after all. You get an achievement for it. While of course I enjoyed my hookup with an Asari Consort — think Inara from Firefly, except, like, blue — I had to choose a workplace romance. Ashley Williams was a petty bitch with a chip on her shoulder. When it came time to choose who to sacrifice in an important battle — Ashley or Kaidan — my choice was easy. Buh-bye, Ashley. No more catty remarks about other chicks on the crew. Not that Kaidan was much better. He whined a lot. Comparing those two to the brilliant, intelligent, and oh-so-handy in a firefight Liara T’Soni was a joke. It was Liara for me.

Mass Effect 2 had similar problems as far as choice. I never played through as a male Commander Shepard, but I don’t think I would have pursued romance with any of the chicks on board. Miranda is hot but snotty. Jack goes topless but is completely bananas. Tali has an awesome personality, but given that she’s hermetically sealed in an impenetrable spacesuit I really don’t see the point in going steady. As a female Shepard, I played through three times. Once I went for Garrus. Awk-waaaard. Garrus is my BFF. My platonic Turian lifemate. It’s just not right to go there with him. A second time I went for Thane Krios, which I have to say was the most interesting and satisfying romance story line in the game. During my third playthrough to receive that oh-so-coveted achievement for being insane enough to play on Insanity Mode, I stayed faithful to Liara because I’d really like to see how the story ends if you’ve been true to her through all three games. A caveat, though: until I purchased the expansion pack that added a quest line with Liara, her indifference to Shepard in the main story just about made me break up with her for good.

I’ve gotten hints of who my sexytime options are in Mass Effect 3. Kaidan seems to be sporting an upgraded set of pecs, but he’s still boring. Meh. There’s also this jackhole who lives in the basement of my spaceship, apparently because he got kicked off the cast of Jersey Shore and nowhere else on earth would take him. He does lots of chin-ups and ogles women’s bodies. Douche. I also think that my secretary has the hots for me, but I was never into that whole Yeoman Rand/Miss Moneypenny thing. Also, HR violation. Srsly.

No, for me it’s always been Liara. She’s smart, she’s sexy, and she is one helluva fighter. And even better, there are hints of romance blossoming for others here and there. Poor ol’ Admiral Anderson seems to have a sexy schoolmarm with the hots for him. Even more fun is getting to be the wingman of an awesome smart artificial intelligence, EDI, who has worked digitally with my pilot Joker for years and now finally has a smokin’ hot robot body to date him with. They’ve connected intellectually for so long and really have a solid partnership of trust. But she needs a little help on courting her man, and I’m happy to help. So long as Joker doesn’t ruin it by being a massive twat, I hope they get it on with rockin’ robosex. In this dark universe where we face the extinction of all sentient life, a little love goes a long way. I don’t mind being the captain of the Love Boat as long as I’ve got my girlfriend Liara and my BFF Garrus by my side as we unleash digital hell on intergalactic bad guys.

• @Boriss Hooray for beer!! in reply to Boriss #