14 Sep 10

Bella’s Revelation

The following is a work of anti-fan fiction, demonstrating how the Twilight series should have ended. Go to like, page 558 of Book 2 and stop reading here: “I was immersed momentarily in his golden gaze. It wasn’t hard to understand what I’d missed in the conversation. The only thing that Jacob would want from Edward would be his absence.” Then pull out the rest of the pages of the book, use books three and four when you run out of toilet paper, and read this handy-dandy conclusion instead.

“Never,” I whispered, my eyes drifting from Edward to Jacob and back again.

Jacob made a gagging sound.

I stepped away from Edward’s gaze to frown at Jacob. “What is it you’re really after, Jacob? You want me away from Edward so badly. Is the reason really that you want me safe, or that you want me for yourself? Or is it something different?”

Jacob kept his eyes fixed on Edward. His eyes traced the sliver of marble visible through the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. “I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute.”

Edward’s liquid topaz eyes smoldered. Jacob returned the firey gaze with his coal-black stare. I suddenly understood the distinction between hate and passion, and laughed as it suddenly became so clear.

“What’s so funny?” Jacob growled, refusing to take his eyes from Edward’s pale face.

“It’s really none of my business any more,” I said as the wheels of logic turned in my head for the first time since I moved to Forks, shaking off the dust and grime of disuse. “But I don’t think even you see it.”

“What?” the both asked at the same time, breaking their staring match to glance vigilantly around the treeline above the house.

“You’ve both been fighting over me,” I said, gazing at each of them, “That you never realized that what you wanted was each other.”

I didn’t expect my hasty words to bring on such a strong response. Despite the macho facade he put up, he must not have known. He must have thought the jealousy was out of desire for me. He hadn’t realized — or didn’t want to believe — that he wanted me out of the way. That his real desire was to become a member of the Cullen family.

My answer sent Jacob into near convulsions. He pressed his fists hard against his temples, closing his eyes tight and curling in on himself as he tried to control the spasms. His face turned sallow green under the russet skin.

“Jake? You okay?” I asked anxiously.

I took a half-step toward him, then Edward caught me and yanked me back behind his own body. “Careful! He’s not under control,” he warned me, his voice growing more intense by the second. He threw his shirt to the ground, ready for battle. His sculpted marble chest gleamed in the moonlight.

But Jacob was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shaking now. He scowled at Edward with every effort of pure hate. “Ugh. I would never hurt her.”

Neither Edward or I missed the inflection, or the petulant accusation it contained. A low hiss escaped Edward’s lips. Jacob clenched his fists reflexively. I stepped between them and reached out to touch them both. Jacob’s chest was hot. His heart pounded against my palm. Edward’s body was unchanging; cold and smooth and still.

“There’s no point in continuing to fight,” I pleaded. “Can’t you both feel it?”

Jacob’s eyes flickered. I watched their faces as Edward read his enemy’s conflicted thoughts.

“But, Bella,” Jacob objected, “You’ve shown that you care about both of us so strongly.”

“I’ve been a ‘silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl’ because that’s what you expected out of me,” I said with a rueful grin. “I’ve been denying myself as much as you two have been so that you can fit in with what your families expect out of you. Is it any surprise that hundred year old vampires and werewolves who have been camped out in the boonies for centuries would be a little behind the times?”

Their fists unclenched, and for the first time the hatred in their faces softened into doubt.

“Really, if you think about it,” I continued, pressing to keep the momentum rolling, “the hostility you two show toward each other is nothing but unrequited sexual tension.”

Edward started in shock, then turned slowly to look up into Jacob’s dark eyes. Jacob shifted nervously.

“My God, you’re right,” Edward murmured, pressing his ruby lips together. “I never realized it. It’s just that my family is so . . . cisgender heteronormative. Esme always talked about finding a special girl, so that’s what I looked for, but it never seemed to work. In that environment I never thought about what I wanted.”

“I’m totally into girls,” Jacob mumbled defensively. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know how you’ve managed to keep your feelings from the rest of the pack,” I said, shaking my head in amazement. “It took me a while to put it together, but with your telepathic connection they should have known a long time ago.”

“This is messed up. Seems like everybody thinks they can get inside my head,” Jacob protested, glaring at Edward and I. “I don’t know where you got the idea that I’m gay.”

Jacob must have sensed a telepathic ripple of laughter from his packmates, who were still watching in the woods nearby. Edward involuntarily spoke the words that he heard echoing through Jacob’s head.

Shut up, guys, Jacob growled at his packmates.

Relax, Jake, laughed Sam. We’ve known for a while.

Right. How can you know before I do? asked Jacob, defensive and furious.

Quil immediately answered. Sometimes that’s how it happens.

But I’ve never thought about guys like that – Jacob objected. But Sam cut him off.

You were too close to understand, Sam explained. The first time you saw Cullen your heart skipped a beat. At first I thought it was just anger, but it didn’t take long to figure it out. You wanted Edward, but didn’t realize it, so you went after his girl because it was the only way you could think of to get close to him.

Yeah, dude, you’re pretty gay, Embry agreed.

But that’s totally cool with us. We don’t care, Seth assured him.

“I . . . never thought . . .” Jacob muttered out loud, slowly working through the barrage of emotions and ideas swirling in his head. His eyes drifted up to gaze at Edward with a look they’d never had before. It was a look of healing and tenderness.

There was a long silence.

“Think about it,” Bella I nearly whispered, putting a hand on Edward’s shoulder. “You wear tight pants and sparkle, and he’s hairy and rides a motorcycle. You’re both strong, passionate and immortal . . . it just seems meant to be.”

Edward looked down and shuffled his feet. “I, uh, have a confession to make,” he mumbled, a flush of color coming to his marble cheeks. “That whole thing about hating the way you smelled . . . it . . . isn’t true. You smell great.”

Jacob smiled involuntarily and looked up into Edward’s liquid topaz eyes. “Really?”

Edward stepped toward him and put his arms around Jacob’s shoulders. “It’s the smell of a sexy beast. Rugged. Strong. Like the forest in autumn.

Vampire and werewolf embraced in a sudden collision of light and dark, fire and ice. I stepped back, and tears stung at the corners of my eyes as they held one another, whispering soft apologies in the moonlight.

“But what about you?” Edward asked suddenly, turning back to me. His hands gripped the small of Jacob. “Is there . . . someone?”

I shook my head. “Don’t you think I’ve had enough people in my life lately?”

Jacob and Edward laughed softly, then looked at one another. Jacob rested his cheek on top of Edward’s disheveled copper coif and gazed at me with a relieved expression of gratitude.

“I think . . . maybe I just need to spend some time on my own and figure out what I want,” I murmured, taking a step toward the front porch. “It’s possible that the hostility I show toward other women is simply a byproduct of my cultural programming which insists that I must belong to a man and that women are just competition or a waste of space.”

As I spoke the truth of the words hit me. Deep down inside I craved to be with a woman. My desperate behavior toward men and my deliberate efforts to remove any part of my true personality have left me a hollow shell. The thrill seeking, the dangerous men — it was all the dangerous product of trying to make something work when it just wasn’t meant to.

“I need to take some time for me. When that special girl comes along, I want to be ready for her.”

Edward’s pale face lit up. He reached out and I walked toward him. The three of us threw our arms around one another. Vampire, Human and Werewolf embraced, for the first time feeling peace and connection between us. I reached up and put a hand on the cheeks of my two former suitors.

“I think you two have a lot to talk about,” she said, kissing each on the cheek. “And I need to go dig my dad’s old bass out of the garage. I think I have some songs to write if I want to start a lesbian death metal band.”

We all laughed and squeezed one another one last time.

“Wait, but what about Victoria and her army?” Jacob said, remembering the looming threat in the forest.

For the first time, that name held no terror for me. “With the two of you working together, I bet you could tear her to pieces in no time. Think of it as . . . your first date.”

“Our first date,” Edward muttered with a lopsided grin. He looked up at Jacob, who held out a hand. Edward took it.

“Well, then we’d better get hunting,” Jacob laughed, brushing an enormous hand over his short hair.

“BELLA!” Charlie’s roar echoed from the direction of the house. “YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!”

“Sure Dad!” I called back cheerfully, content for the first time to think of him as my father. “I actually could use your help with something. Be right in!”

I hugged Edward and Jacob one last time and turned to run into the house. As I opened the door I turned to glance back. They were locked in a passionate embrace, lips locked in a passionate kiss. I smiled and put my hand over my heart. As quietly as possible, I closed the door behind me, humming the first bars of a new song to myself.