I don’t know why somebody would ask me for advice. For all I know, this is spam. But here goes.

Dear Stella,

Two of my friends just broke up. I don’t think they will be able to stay friends and I kind of have to pick a side. I’m not really sure which one is right and which one is wrong. Who should I stay friends with?

[name redacted]

Dear Redacted,

That sucks about your friends. Breaking up is painful enough, but it’s extra sucky when it disrupts your social circle. Without knowing the specifics, it’s hard to say who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Breakups are usually the result of both parties making mistakes, although sometimes one person makes the mistake that breaks them up, such as cheating, lying, or giving up. Usually you can stay friends with both people, but if it becomes evident that you’ll have to choose, here’s how I do it:

Whichever person talks more on the Internet about their ex is usually the person who messed it up, and is always the person who is more crazy, petty, and manipulative

There are *limited* exceptions to this rule, such as people who were abused and share their stories online as part of a healing or outreach process. But with normal breakups, that’s it. If I have to choose between two people, I’ll go with the person who has enough dignity not to drag other people into it by putting it online. I’ll choose the person who isn’t petty. The person who doesn’t make a bad situation much worse by saying nasty things (whether or not they are true). People who take cheap stabs at people they don’t like anymore are petty and untrustworthy. That person just might turn around and do it to you one day if you piss them off one day.

Good luck with your friends. Hopefully it will all blow over after a while and the worst of it will be a few awkward hellos at house parties. If not, STAY AWAY FROM THE CRAZY.