My female relatives abandoned the babies with the men on Friday night and headed to the theater to see their precious Edward and Jacob drool over Bella. I didn’t want to hear about the movie, but they did tell me that after the movie spent forever finally building up to it, *just* as the first werewolf transformation took place, the projector began simultaneously playing a commercial over the film.

Within seconds, the terrifying sound of a thousand rabid harpies screaming for blood had the theater staff scrambling. They fixed it in a minute or two, but to save themselves from disembowelment the theater people gave away a bunch of free passes to the Twihards.

Some people are afraid of demonic monsters that will chase you down in the dark and take all the blood from your body. And some people are afraid of vampires. For my own part, nothing — NOTHING — in this world would be more frightening than a theater full of angry Twihards when the opening night of New Moon gets screwed up.