I’ve got a few moments before my flight to Texas, and I’d just like to use them to say the following:

You know who you are, ya little turd. You said it was creepy while I was making it, and that it would make the baby girl I’m giving it to cry. “Like, worse than a clown.” Consensus at the office was that it wasn’t creepy, and I asked people who hate dolls. Plus when the airport screener saw it in my bag he asked me where I got it from because his granddaughter would like one. I told him I made it. He said it was cute and that I should make more and sell them. A TSA screener — someone who has every right to be grumpy during rush hour on Friday afternoon — told me it was cute. Not just cute, commercially viable.

Sure, it doesn’t look as fancy as most dolls, but the trick to kiddo presents is making them age appropriate. When my target audience is 15 months, I’m not interested in photorealistic features. My priorities are something more along the lines of:

• Can’t rip head off easily
• Can’t rip arms off easily
• Come to think of it, just basically impossible to destroy
• Drool proof
• No bits that can be pulled off and choked on
• Washable
• Hides stains well or looks good dirty
• Disposable if necessary

Sure, there’s fun I can have on top of those specs, like matching the eye and hair color, and picking pretty fabric for the dress. But as long as I don’t make the little girl cry, I guess I’ve accomplished my goal.