Okay, kids. This is just silly.

This morning I ran metrics on my blog. WHY are so many of you guys still using IE6? I mean, I’m happy enough to see that Firefox 3 is the #2 browser for my visitors, but if it’s gonna be beaten out by IE, can’t it at least not be by the super crappy version? I’m no fan of IE8, but at least it’s presentable.

What is it with you users? Don’t you like yourselves? Don’t you want to show up looking your best? When you show up at my blog wearing IE6, it’s like arriving to pick up your Friday night date . . . on a tricycle. It’s like going to the prom . . . in a track suit. It’s like saying you have this awesome Darth Vader getup . . . and it’s the polyester kiddie costume from Target. Like a bad pickup line at a bar or seriously stinky breath, it instantly gives a bad impression.

You look like a big bunch of dorks. I understand that dressing badly is a chronic affliction for cybergeeks, but my toleration of bad fashion only extends to clothing. I hold your browser to a higher standard. IE6 is soooooo last century. So let’s play a little game of What Not To Digitally Wear and toss that rickety old piece of junk. It’s got holes in it and it smells like old cheese. Just like your mother made you get rid of that beloved Boba Fett shirt after it saw you through puberty, I’d like to take you by the hand and say, “Let’s go shopping for something new.”

And come to think of it, I need to take you nerds using Firefox 3 to task as well. Why haven’t you gotten Firefox 3.5? Huh? Don’t you want to be cool?