Dear Adademy of Behavioral Calculation,
I made a revision today. It seems my previous algorithm:
is not so accurate. Instead:
Simple resolution of conflict, it seems, is not how humans prefer to interact. Should someone interfere with your work but not make any overt efforts to stop you, you can ignore them and continue as planned. Apparently passive-aggressive behavior is the perfect counterbalance to passive-aggressive behavior. This will also give the enemy the perception that you are not emotionally mature. This is a good thing, as it allows them to feel superior and therefore non-threatened while you quietly go about your mission of preparing to overthrow them.
If the human is being more direct, the key is to learn to distract them using an appropriate level of Irritation. I give you the Irritation Calculation:
Where:
- I is the level of irritation you ought to manifest
- a is the arbitrary influence of your current mood
- s is the stupidity of the offender’s action
- c is the callousness of the offender’s behavior after the initial offense
- m is the volume of mitigating factors regarding the offense
It is a critical breakthrough. I had struggled with applying this concept as a unified field theory, but an unwitting collaborator helped me see today that the equation was missing both elements “a” and “m.” The function now works beautifully in all confrontations.
Some notes on usage: If your personality subroutines indicate that your are impersonating a compassionate individual, you should add a corollary that automatically enhances variable m and decreases your perception of c. If you are fulfilling a function as a teenager, variable a should always be as random as possible. This is a highly flexible platform for developing very convincing displays of Irritation. Please share any useful plugins you create.
This is effective immediately.
