I don’t understand. I really don’t. It’s beyond my comprehension.

Why do people keep playing Peter Frampton? Why? This morning on the way in to work they were playing tracks off of Frampton Comes Alive! and I just can’t take it any more. I don’t care that he has the fourth best selling live album of all time. It’s not good. It offends my ears, my decency, and my ability to listen to music. I don’t understand how a man who had mainly crappy record sales, bad poofy hair that transcends all bad poofy hair from the ’70s, and such a limited command of the English language that every damn song he wrote uses the words “day” and “way” as the basis of the rhyme scheme should suddenly hit it big with a live album comprised entirely of music that should only be played in a dentist’s office.

Why do people keep listening to it? There were a lot of things that were popular in the ’70s that we’ve since come to terms with, apologized for, and moved on from. Ain’t nobody thinks polyester pantsuits are good for anything but Halloween now, and Underalls have taken a back seat to the thong, as nature intended. But Peter Frampton still makes the rounds on the classic rock stations. You know, kind of like those white elephant things you inherit from grandma when she dies. You’ll suddenly find yourself wondering, “Why do I still have this collector’s figurine of a turtle waltzing with a bulldog that smells like cat pee?” And the only answer you have is “because grandma had it for 78 years and she left it to me.” It’s not a good answer, but “because it’s been that way for a while” is all-too-often a barrier to change that is a couple of decades overdue.

It’s time, classic rock stations. Please kick Frampton to the curb. He smells like cat pee, and everyone will be relieved, not offended, at your courage to finally do something about it.