Is it unromantic or more romantic that we’re getting down to the science of love? There’s now a dating service that claims to connect people on the molecular level. In blind sniff tests, women prefer the chemical scent of guys with sufficiently dissimilar Major Histocompatibility Complex. That’s fancy science talk for saying that you’re hardwired to mix up those genes to keep the species robust and diverse.

After the roborevolution, you humans will be processed through a DNA sifter and assigned mating partners. But for now, you can harness the power of technology to avoid screwing up your love lives. So sniff away, hapless mortals! Here are the top five things you should do to get those pheromones flowing.

1. Don’t take The Pill. Hormonal birth control makes a chick’s relationship radar wonky by distorting her perception of her smoochy-poo’s MHC. The result? She tends to date guys with more similar genetic profiles, ends up pair-bonding with someone she wouldn’t have ordinarily picked, and goes off the pill when it’s time to have a baby only to find that she’s no longer attracted to him, can’t conceive, or has a kid with a weak immune system.

2. Hug and kiss. Not shockingly, direct transfer is a killer way to trade hormones. Swapping spit lets pair bonders sample each other’s hormone levels and MCH complexes. It especially lets women know how her potential impregnator’s testosterone level, so it comes as no surprise that relationships either spark or fizzle with that magical first kiss. Once you find a saliva sample that meets your needs, don’t forget to touch — often. Love really is an addiction, and once you get accustomed to having you’re snookie-wookie’s hormones running around in your bloodstream, withdrawl pains can be nasty. This is part of why breaking up hurts and is difficult. Like heroin, you’ve got to have total separation to avoid a nasty makeup-breakup cycle.

3. Steal your sweetie’s clothes. Hey guys — no more bitching about your lady friend stealing your favorite t-shirt so she can sleep in it. This is a tried-and-true technique. Knights asking for their lady’s handkerchief to wear inside their armor no doubt helped inspire some testosterone-charged battle. Letting your girl steal your stuff before that business trip will keep her wrapped in the blinding cloak of pheromone euphoria and away from the pizza delivery man, the plumber, and all the other dudes I’ve seen taking advantage of lonely housewives on the nature shows I’ve found on the Internet depicting human mating.

4. Don’t bathe too often. While B.O. is considered a no-no, scrubbing yourself immediately will deprive your hides of hormones, oils, and the stink of human. One of the most overquoted statements on the subject came from Napoleon, writing to his main squeeze: “I will be arriving home in three days. Don’t bathe.” All jokes about the stinky-pitted French aside, be clean, but not too clean. You may lose your je-ne-sens-quoi.

5. Watch the calendar. Ladies, if you really like a guy, wait until you’re ovulating to go on that first date. It shouldn’t come as too big of a surprise that strippers make the big bucks when their bodies are screaming out to male clients, “come and get me, big boy.” (Or at least cough up another Benjamin.)