27 May 08

Twelve Lessons from British Literature

1. You can never have too many axes.

2. Even when you’ve been whisked to another dimension, there’s always time for tea.

3. If you are female, beautiful, and poor, you are going to die.

4. Or be blissfully wedded to a very rich and handsome dude of better rank.

5. In case you’re not sure, the Irish are in fact mocking you. Loudly.

6. Be smug and absurd.

7. Don’t piss off the trees.

8. If you have an incurable disease, find an island and get writing. Now.

9. Invent new words often.

10. If you fail to include the words “pipe,” “pub,” “pint,” or “tea” in your book, it will spontaneously combust right on the shelf.

11. Don’t ever have one night stands unless you want your bastard child to murder you.

12. The movie version won’t ever be as good unless Colin Firth is in it.

No more chit-chat, hoomans.