1. Pull up your pants. I do not want to look at your butt crack and/or tighty whities while you do squats.
2. You’re at the gym. You are going to sweat if you do anything properly. Wash your face before you come in because watching your makeup melt in the manner of a Salvador Dali painting is not my idea of fun.
3. This is a towel. Use it. Before and after you use the weight machine I’m next in line to use.
4. While chicks dig a strong guy, it’s extremely unattractive if you’ve set the weight so high that everyone at the gym thinks you’re giving birth to a blue whale when you start to lift.
5. Headphones are a wonderful thing. Then you can listen to whatever crappy music you want and enjoy it all to yourself. So please don’t sing along. It kind of defeats the purpose.
6. It is a shower at a gym, not an herbal soak at the day spa. The sign on the inside of the shower door that says five minutes or less was written especially for you, a-hole.
7. If you don’t know how to use machines at the gym, don’t use them.
8. Pumping the machines really fast isn’t actually good for you. The weights are moving more from momentum than muscular effort, meaning you’re not actually working out. Oh, and you’re a lot more likely to hurt yourself.
9. Yes, the gym is filled with scantily clad women with very nice bodies. Yes, you men may look. But for Zarquon’s sake be subtle about it. Leering will get you pummeled by the girls coming out of kickboxing class.
10. Yes, that smell is you. Now go take a shower.