So I’m at Friday Lunchtime Turbo Kickboxing, and there’s this very tall, fit, lanky girl in front of me, with very nice chiseled abs that make me wish I cared enough to stop eating cookies. She was wearing a very small top and hip-hugging workout pants that revealed the ever-popular tatoo location at the base of the spine, just a few inches above the butt crack.

It was a very nice, elegant cross, surrounded by a wreath of olive leaves with rays of light streaming from behind it.

Huh.

Weird tattoo! I mean, does this woman ever want to be able to have sex? If she’s getting frisky and the gentleman of her choosing wants to get creative, he’ll immediately be presented with an image over her heinie that says “You’re fornicating. Jesus can see you.” And even if she’s not fornicating, her poor husband will be reminded that well, Christians really just ought to be engaging in missionary work. Sorry, honey. No Kama Sutra for you!

I had a great workout, but I was incredibly distracted with pondering. Why? Why would someone hang the symbol of the death and resurrection of their Lord and Savior right over the plumber’s crack? But then I got thinking, maybe she just got that tattoo to act as a bouncer for the back door. I mean, an image like that just screams:

“Whoa! HEY! What would Jesus do? You sodomizing pervert!”